-Waves-
So, I’m going to have my main account administer this blog from now on.
That’s here.
It’s not built up quite yet, but it’ll get there eventually :) Follow if you want <3
It will be eternity before we meet again.
Wind sweeps through the wheat fields, swaying their limbs from side to side, uniformly, peacefully. Before I can feel it, I can see it, traveling through the prairie, caressing the flowers, gingerly laying its fingers on every single blade of grass that stands between it and me. Soon, I feel it on my face, the carrier of messages from heaven above, and I hear you.
I hear your gentle whisperings, your giggles, your tears, your disagreements. I hear your tones, your whimpers, how scared you were to face the reaper, and yet how strong you pretended to sound throughout the whole ordeal. I hear your heart calling out to mine, and your heartbeat still working in unison with my own.
When it happened, the wind blew, hard and strong, over anything and everything. Rains came, and I woke deep into the night, listening for any sound of you, any sign that you were with me. Hope had drained out of me like blood from a wound; this would be another restless, sleepless night without you.
And then, there it was- what I had been waiting for the entire time. The rain pelting against my window lulled me to sleep that night, resembling what I could only imagine as your beautiful wings flapping up into heaven to meet God, just as I had prayed for.
How did I know that they were beautiful wings, my love? You always had wings. You were my angel, my guardian angel, my spirit and my hope for a better tomorrow. You were my strength, my optimism, my friend, my blood, my sustenance, my shelter, my protection, my stronghold, my fortress, my heart and my soul.
You were my sister, a practical twin, and through losing you, I have lost an irreplaceable part of myself.
The next morning, I awoke to golden sunlight filtering through my blinds and the callings of birds in the distance. Standing on my front porch as I am now, I looked up into the sky and saw the swans, all flying together, soaring through the sky. Blue and spotless was the summer sky, seemingly open and wide to any possibilities. It was in that moment that I realized that this was your gift to me, the sign you sent me to let me know that you were safe and sound in heaven, watching over me and giving me peace, just as you had done throughout my entire life.
Saudade, my heart- the love that remains. I want to thank you for sharing your heart with the rest of the world, for freely dispersing your good natured soul amongst the shattered ruins of my own, for being the sunshine that warms my skin, for being in my life. I want to thank you for existing and pervading through the cockles of my heart, for picking up the pieces when everything fell apart, and for showing me what love really felt like.
I am not a patient person, my dear, and you know that. Eternity seems like too long to wait, but I would walk to the ends of the Earth and back for you, even now. I will wait, and when I do see you again, I can assure you that I will love you as much as I love you today.
Forever yours, my angel.
I’ll start at your lips; the pink, soft half moons invite me to touch them, feel them, caress them with my own. With a daring, extended finger, I’ll map out the ridges that form your face, working my way from the heart that is your upper lip to the green pools of light that captivate the souls of everyone you meet. I am a slave to your gentle beauty, to your mesmerizing touch, to your heartbeat. Gingerly, I’ll work my way up this trail, finding my way through scars too deep to see or heal and through forests of brooding eyebrows focused only on the darkness of the past. Your cheeks go ablaze with the simple passing of my hand; it has made its journey, has traveled terrain no hand had dared to travel before.
You barely breathe as my ice cold hand makes its way down to your bare chest. I’ll go slowly down your neck, feeling your collarbone from east to west. Light filters in from the window, reflecting gold in your gaze; the sunset has begun, and yet your web has me entangled, enrapt, for I know that I am not yet in possession of your heart. As I round your weathered shoulders abused by the weight of the world, you freeze; and, just like that, I have you following my every movement, memorizing my every breath, my every blink. This is the spell that you have bewitched and enchanted numerous girls with, a magic stronger than love and lust combined; but now is the first time that you feel its effects- and not its advantages- for yourself.
I press both hands down onto your chest, feeling its rapid fluttering, savoring the effect only one touch can do. The scent of my perfume lingers on your face, on your neck, on your shoulders, and you can do naught but gasp for breath.
A shared gaze is all the permission I need to perform my final act. I press my face down to your chest, the flush in my cheeks hot enough for me to feel. As your heart pounds, I feel my own and realize that we are in perfect synch, in perfect tune, and, without pause, I begin to hum to myself a lullaby I only recognize in memories past.
In a moment of epiphany, I realize that your heart beat keeps the rhythm to my favorite song and let myself drown in the river of you.
I really don’t mind if you post them, in reality, because I’m trying to be as honest as I can be without hiding behind characters or websites. =\ Sadly, I don’t have a myspace because my dad told me to take it down [don’t ask why], but we do need to find a better way of communication. Twitter?
You haunt my dreams and intrude my sleep
Tarnish all the good memories I wanted to keep
It wasn’t true that without you my days were dull
‘Cause I needed you just like a bullet in my skull
I trusted you with my heart, my life, my soul
You took them all over, took the control
You defeated the monsters I was so afraid of
And manipulated my feelings so I’d fall in love
What a wonderful actor, what a great charade
What a malicious and evil masquerade
What a thought out trick, what a tremendous plan
What a despicable, hypocritical, wicked man
All theories of a heart beating in your chest
Were all just lies that were smartly dressed
And all the beautiful dreams you and I had thought up
Now seem pointless, misleading, and corrupt
I never offended you, so it’s not my fault
There was no actual trigger for this emotional assault
How many girls have you deluded, deceived?
And how much of their hearts were they able to retrieve?
You took me into your wings, beautiful at the start
Until I realized they were made out of other broken hearts
No matter how much gravity we defied
You let go of me as soon as things went awry
And because of how much I hurt and how much I cried
And how much of my withered soul rot and died
You will be condemned to hell, and you’ll realize why:
There are no second chances when I say goodbye
Thank you, Nooch clan, for your craziness.
